Stop Parenting in Panic Mode with Dr. Tori Niemynski
If you have ever felt like parenting has turned into a constant state of worry, urgency, second-guessing, and pressure, this episode is for you.
In this episode of UNSUBSCRIBE with Ginny Priem, I sit down with Dr. Tori Niemynski to talk about how to stop parenting in panic mode. We talk about what drives fear-based parenting, why so many parents feel like they are carrying an impossible amount of pressure, and how to step back into a calmer, more grounded way of showing up.
This conversation is thoughtful, practical, and incredibly reassuring for parents who want to feel more steady, more confident, and less overwhelmed.
Listen to the episode
Watch this episode of UNSUBSCRIBE with Ginny Priem here:
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What we cover in this episode
In this episode, we talk about:
- what parenting in panic mode actually looks like
- why so many parents are operating from fear and pressure
- how panic can impact decision-making
- how to respond more calmly and intentionally
- what it looks like to parent from a more grounded place
- ways to let go of some of the pressure parents put on themselves
About Dr. Tori Niemynski
Dr. Tori Niemynski is a pediatrician and online educator who is passionate about helping parents access trustworthy, ethical, and practical information. After stepping away from traditional practice, she has focused on supporting families in a way that feels accessible, grounded, and helpful, while staying within ethical boundaries around medical guidance.
In this conversation, she brings both professional insight and real-world perspective to a topic so many parents quietly struggle with.
Why this conversation matter
So many parents are not just parenting. They are parenting while anxious, overstimulated, overexposed to information, and constantly feeling like they should be doing more.
That pressure adds up.
This episode is an invitation to take a breath, step back, and consider what might change if you stopped parenting from panic and started parenting from a place of greater trust, steadiness, and intention.
Favorite takeaway
One of the most important reminders from this conversation is that not every parenting moment has to be treated like an emergency. When everything feels urgent, it becomes harder to hear yourself, trust yourself, and stay connected to what your child actually needs.
Calmer does not mean careless. It means more present, more intentional, and more grounded.
Connect with Dr. Tori Niemynski
Follow Dr. Tori Niemynski here:
More from UNSUBSCRIBE with Ginny Priem
If you enjoyed this episode, you may also like:
- You Don’t Have to Participate in Every Argument
- Stop Making Yourself Insane
- UNSUBSCRIBE™ From Perfect with Dr. Rachel Goldman
You can also explore more episodes of UNSUBSCRIBE with Ginny Priem here:
Subscribe and connect
If this episode resonated with you, make sure you subscribe to UNSUBSCRIBE with Ginny Priem so you do not miss future conversations on personal growth, healing, relationships, boundaries, leadership, and the things we need to let go of in order to move forward.
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Episode Transcript
Read the full transcript for How to Stop Parenting in Panic Mode with Dr. Tori Niemynski below:
0:09
Unsubscribing from Panic: What Fuels Parental Anxiety
Tori Naminski, welcome to unsubscribe.
0:13
Speaker 2
Thank you so much.
I’m so excited to be here.
0:16
Speaker 1
Oh my gosh, I’m so excited for this conversation because I think it’s something that a lot of people need right now, especially with the world.
I think for a lot of people feels like it’s on fire.
And you know, for me, like I don’t have children of my own.
0:32
I have my bonus kids and they’re older now, but I feel like a lot of people navigating parenting.
I thought, what better person to have come on the show to talk about parenting a pediatrician?
0:47
Speaker 2
Yeah, well, thank you for thinking of me.
I agree.
I think parenting right now is very hard and I’m trying to do my little part to make it easier for people.
0:56
Speaker 1
Well, one of the things I love.
OK, so if you don’t already, I’m going to put this in the show notes, but go follow doctor Tori.
She’s your pediatrician bestie on Instagram.
She is blowing up over there with tons of good tidbits of well, Tori, I think I told you I’ve been seeing, you know, friends of mine and acquaintances of mine like following your page that have no that has no connection between you and I, but they just have found you with your wealth of information.
1:24
Your spicy, you know some of your spicy information that where you’re like, Nope, we are not doing this.
So I think one of the core foundations for you that you talk about, and correct me if I’m wrong, but it’s like helping parents unsubscribe from parenting in panic mode.
1:43
Speaker 2
Absolutely, yes.
So much of what my goal is, my mission is to help your parents just like to use your exact words.
Unsubscribe from that, from panic.
I think there has just been a growing sentiment, especially since COVID, but even before that of just parents feeling like, Oh my gosh, everything is scary.
2:05
Everything is an emergency or just like, I don’t know how to tell the difference.
And so just living up here all the time and I just want to help people just dial it back just a little bit.
We can be safe.
We can be pragmatic, we don’t have to be in panic mode all the time.
2:23
Speaker 1
What do you think is fueling that?
2:26
Speaker 2
The list is long, I think.
I think the rise of the kind of Maha movement with Make America Healthy again, which, you know, again, we could have a longer conversation about what I think about that.
I think a political Trojan horse, but that’s a whole other conversation.
2:43
And just I think in combination with that, lots of misinformation that is constantly swirling.
You’re hearing this, that and the other from every source on the Internet.
Maybe it’s a mom who has a kid or two and that makes her an expert.
Maybe it’s a Wellness heavy quotes Wellness influencer.
3:02
Maybe it’s, you know, Google, you know, where there’s we have all the access to all the information in the world, but without the ability to know how to interpret it and how to apply context, it’s really overwhelming.
Not to mention just the entire overwhelming and over stimulating state of the world right now.
3:21
I think it’s all adds up to just be a really hard time to be a parent.
3:26
Speaker 1
One of the things that I’ve seen people doing is using ChatGPT or like AI as their doctor and or therapist.
3:37
Speaker 2
Yes, I, I know that that’s a phenomenon and that makes me so scared and so nervous.
And listen, I nobody understands more than I do that the medical system is not what it needs to be, right?
Like I am not somebody who’s like, I’m going to stand up for the medical establishment at all costs.
3:56
Like, no, it’s kind of trash at the moment.
Unfortunately.
We’re having so many issues with access and with insurance companies and making it kind of a corporate enterprise that the goal of really taking care of people, which is what most of us doctors providers went into it for, is kind of getting pushed to the side.
4:15
And so I understand when people are like, well, yeah, I could go to the doctor, but like last time I called, they said I could be in there in three weeks or I have to go sit in the emergency room forever and then have a co-pay that’s a billion dollars.
You know, obviously hyperbolic, but I get it.
4:33
I get the people wanting to be like, OK, I need to find answers that I can get quicker, that I can have better access.
The danger is that ChatGPT relies on in clot or whatever, rely on again, all the information that’s on the Internet, which is whatever people say, whatever, you know, not always using good primary sources, not always using great research that stands up to scientific consensus.
5:00
And so I think a lot of the information that you can get from ChatGPT or AI is the same problem as when you Google randomly is you’re just, what do you do with this?
How do we know that the AI has used proper context or nuance or I think applying that to your own individual situation is really dangerous.
5:19
And if we haven’t already started seeing that, we will, I think, see some repercussions from that.
5:25
Supplementing the System: Accessible Pediatric Guidance
Yeah, before we get to before I ask you some better ways and some better options and alternatives, I’ll use this as an opportunity to to air some of my own grievances with the healthcare system.
5:38
Speaker 2
Please.
5:38
Speaker 1
So, well, a couple of things.
So like, last year, I was, yeah, I just turned 46, and I was delusional to the idea that perimenopause and hormones were not going to affect me.
You know, like, what’s happened to every woman in the history of the universe wasn’t going to happen to me.
5:56
And my doctor has been talking to me about this for, like, I don’t know, 5-7 years.
And like, every year she rolls her eyes at me.
And it’s like, I’m just going to put some information in your chart for you to read and, you know, do with it what you want.
And so I reached out via my online, you know, system to reach out and say, hey, I’m having issues.
6:16
I need help and never even got to my doctor.
The triage nurse just responded and said, yeah, well, we can get you in for blood work.
This was in October.
We can get you in for some blood work at the end of January.
And I literally in my message was saying I can’t live like this anymore.
6:34
I don’t recognize myself.
I have no energy motivation, Dr. I have brain fog.
I’m not sleeping.
I’ve gained all this weight all of a sudden, you know, without changing my diet, you know, like without any major changes.
And so I let her have it When we had my, my online, I ended up just doing it online.
6:54
I had to find other resources.
But as a self-employed person, I’m paying higher premiums than I’ve ever paid before.
But on the flip side, I will say this morning I went in for my annual mammogram.
I was in and out in less than 30 minutes.
It’s 100% covered and in less than an hour from the start of my appointment time, I already had my results.
7:16
So sometimes like I feel like we have to hang on to those glimmers of what is good because there is some good out there.
And I think what you’re doing is really good as an expert, as a pediatrician, sharing your expertise, answering people’s questions, helping them through an accessible way online.
7:37
That’s why I told people like go follow Doctor Torrey, your pediatrician bestie on Instagram because you are sharing real life tips.
So what are the better ways that we can be accessing information, especially, you know, so that we’re not raising the alarm like everything isn’t?
7:56
I always say, because I talk about this a lot in my keynotes with unsubscribe, is if everything feels urgent, nothing can actually be important.
Exactly how do we decipher that?
8:07
Speaker 2
Yes, that’s such an important thing to remember for everybody because, yeah, again, the medical system is not everything that we need it to be at the moment.
And I think, you know, not to be fearmonger or doomsdayer, but I do think the coming years are going to show us that even more acutely with the changes that are coming to Medicare and Medicaid cuts from the big beautiful bill, which we haven’t even really started to see those effects.
8:31
Plus, you know, increasing Dr. shortages, like there’s I think more things coming that are going to make it an even tougher time for us.
And so I totally appreciate those challenges.
And honestly, primary care and you know, the front lines, primary care doctors and urgent care emergency doctors are like really holding this thing together for now.
8:54
And hopefully we’ll be able to continue to do that.
But it does make it so that we can’t answer every question immediately, that we can’t sometimes get you in right away, even if that’s what needs to happen.
So looking for other resources.
And I am in zero way a replacement for true medical care.
9:12
I want to be very clear about that.
I am not, I’m not your doctor.
I’m not going to be your doctor.
I can’t answer individual medical questions like give you treatment advice or things like that for your kids specifically because I haven’t seen them.
I don’t take care of them.
That would be unethical for me to do.
9:28
But I do think we need to add some supplements to the system.
And that’s really what I’m trying to do is be a supplement to help aid the kind of struggle bus of the system that is currently happening.
And so on Instagram, that’s really just kind of for fun, for connection, where I can give my little sometimes hot takes on the ways people are responding to things in the world, give a little little doses of information and education.
9:55
But mostly I’ve had, I’ve struggled a little bit with Instagram in that way because I want to be able to provide good information and good education, but really people are not on Instagram for that, you know?
So I’m confined to my little two or three minute videos and nobody watches them anyways.
10:11
So I’m also building right now actually a curriculum that I am excited to invite parents into hopefully later this year, which will give a little bit more of that foundational knowledge.
Because from the perspective of a parent, especially if you’re a new parent, like everything is new, everything feels scary.
10:31
Obviously, this is the most precious thing to you.
And you’re like, oh, I’m sorry.
I just went home from the hospital where I went through the most physically demanding thing of my life potentially.
And now I’m physically wounded.
My hormones are crazy, emotions are crazy, everything is upside down.
10:49
And it’s just like, good luck.
See you guys at your next visit.
And I think that is wild in a lot of ways, just like kind of menopause care.
We have, I think, been a little bit behind in terms of really preparing people in the way that they need to be prepared for this incredibly major life event.
11:10
And kids are so complicated in so far as like they’re literally changing every day, day-to-day, week to week, month to month.
As soon as you feel like you got it figured out, they’re like, ha ha, we’re switching it up on you, you know, And so I really do feel for parents in that respect because if you are worried, then there really is no good mechanism to get unworried except for seeking out these other ways.
11:35
So I think, I hope, I believe that if we give parents the opportunity and the option to have some foundational knowledge ahead of time, that’s realistic.
That’s based on the things that I’ve seen.
I’ve worked in the primary care office, I’ve worked in the urgent care, I’ve worked in the ER.
11:50
Like everything that you have been worried about, I have talked about countless times.
And so I don’t think you need to know everything that’s on the Internet.
I don’t think you need to be able to read every research paper and comprehend it completely.
If you want to be my guest, that took me about a million years of schooling.
12:08
But, you know, feel free.
But I think practical, relatable, approachable.
Like I already know you’re going to have a million questions about poop.
Let me tell you, I already know you’re going to have a million questions about all these things.
Let me just give you a little bit of a of a guide.
12:27
You know, it is still parenting, is still a maze, but I can at least point out the quicksand, you know, and the pitfalls where it’s like, oh, don’t fall in over there.
This is going to be coming up.
So having that curriculum, creating a community around that where people can be around other parents who are going through similar things who are like minded and community minded.
12:49
Because I hear so often from parents that they really feel like they’re missing that valuable village and that community to go through things with.
And even if it can’t, obviously physically is ideal, but if you can’t have that, then to have a virtual community where you know, you’re getting expert guidance because that’s really child health.
13:08
I am an expert in that.
That’s what all the school and the education and the training and the 10 years of clinical work we’re building toward.
And so hopefully that’s something that parents feel they can trust and really rely on.
And then through that they can begin to trust themselves and have their own confidence and know, Oh yeah, we’ve seen this.
13:27
I’m prepared for this.
I knew this was coming.
I know I don’t have to freak out about this thing because I’ve already been given a little bit of a preview.
So that’s really my my hope for what I’m doing.
Until then, I think parents should be really cautious and careful about vetting the sources that they are looking at, especially on social media and things like that, where anybody can put on a scrub cap or put on a white coat and tout themselves as a doctor or functional medicine or whatever without really being ethically true to what those words mean.
14:06
So just being really careful about where where you’re getting your information from, I think is super important.
14:11
Speaker 1
This is why people need to start following you now so that when you have these resources ready, when your book comes out, we’ll circle back to that, that they have the trust built with you because you are credible, you are professional, you do provide practical information and sometimes you’re a little punchy and that’s what makes it fun.
14:31
But literally everything you’re, I’m just talking about like This is why I wanted to have this conversation because it aligns so nicely with unsubscribe, right?
Because one of the things I talk about is when everything feels urgent or, and everything feels like a priority, you don’t know what to prioritize.
And that’s basically like you are going to build a practical filter to help people know what to let go of and unsubscribe from so that they can focus on the things that do actually matter.
14:55
Common Panics: When to Worry About a Fever
And if we think about it, I don’t want to catch you off guard or anything, but if there are a couple of things, a couple of maybe themes or trends of the things that come up from parents the most that they get really panicked and really worried about that you could put them at ease and say, Oh my gosh, I see this all the time.
15:16
Like these are a couple of the most common things that I see that people panic about.
And there’s no need.
Let’s let that shit go.
This is what it means.
And here’s what we you know, like here’s where we should really be focusing.
15:30
Speaker 2
So one of those things that I can think about just right off the top of my head is fever.
So fever is something that makes parents go wild.
And again, I do get it like oftentimes kids do look pretty crummy when they have a fever.
15:45
They get more tired, they maybe you’re down.
And normally kids are so high energy and joyful and go, go, go that when that kid is sick and now they all they want to do is lay around.
You’re like, are we OK in there?
But it’s just a, that’s just what happens with a fever.
And fevers in and of themselves are not dangerous.
16:04
There’s lots of things you can do at home to help treat a fever.
If you know, babies over two months old can have Tylenol, babies over six months old can have ibuprofen, so we can help reduce those symptoms.
And you know, their body is fighting something.
Usually a fever means an illness and by of the vast majority of illnesses in early childhood especially are viral.
16:27
They’re going to daycare, they’re going to the playground, they’re going to the library, reading time, and they’re literally like licking everything and they’re coughing directly into each other’s eyeballs.
And so this is their immune system now kicking in and learning how to fight off those particular viruses.
16:43
And that comes along with some symptoms.
So just quick little tidbits about fever.
First of all, a fever is not a fever until it’s 100.4 Fahrenheit.
I have parents come in all the time with they’ve had a fever of 99 and babe that is not a fever.
16:58
So that’s the first thing to know.
And for the most part, unless there are other severe things going on, which you know, we won’t get into all of those right now, fevers will often come and go for up to four or five days with a virus.
And so we don’t really start to think like, Oh no, we’re really stressed again, in the absence of more severe things going on unless they’re extending past that point.
17:21
And most of the time they’ll have 2-3, maybe 4 days of fever and then they will start to recover from that.
And so, but so often I was see parents and urgent care, especially with their kid who had a fever for two hours.
And I’m like, well, happy to help.
17:37
But what I’m going to do is give ibuprofen, a popsicle.
And unfortunately, you had to sit in the waiting room for five hours to hear that.
And also you now have to pay for all the things when you could have given your, you know, 85 cent dose at home and watched for a minute and seen what happens.
17:58
And again, we’re here.
This is what we’re here for.
Happy to do that, but I’m not happy for you.
That’s a sucky situation for you.
Now you’re here with your sick kid, You got them bundled up, you’re in.
It’s just like, oh, I just want people to know that it doesn’t have to be that hard.
18:16
It’s still an option if that’s what you want, but it doesn’t have to be.
So that’s just one example of many.
18:24
Speaker 1
OK, but that is exactly why people need to follow along with you because who doesn’t want to have an ethical Dr. that cares about not just your kid, but also you, your pocketbook, right?
Like helping people find more resources.
And I like things that are easy to remember.
18:40
So for me, I’m like, OK, easy way to remember is 4 with a fever, it’s 4.
So 100.4 and like 4 days or more, right?
Like those are signs when you might need to think about taking the next step.
18:55
So that’s really helpful.
And I mean, I think that’s probably so relatable.
I’m sure there’s parents listening right now going, Oh my gosh, I totally did that.
Or I would panic over that.
You know, when when you don’t know.
So helping put people at ease is really the goal, right?
19:12
Like taking them out of that panic mode.
OK, so you do have a book coming out.
19:18
Parental Concern: A Guide to Confident Parenting
Can you tell us a little bit about it?
19:21
Speaker 2
Yes, So my book is called Parental Concern.
The subtitle is A Pediatrician’s Guide to Confidently Keeping Your Kid Alive.
Who knows, you know, with the whole publishing system whether that will all stick around.
But I just feel like that speaks to what I am aiming for.
19:36
And it’s really all about.
It’s kind of a parenting meets medical education guide around, again, these most common things, giving you tools to think about them the way that pediatricians think about them.
So that you have a little bit more context and you have just a little bit more information, you know, are we going to talk about like every biochemical reaction that happens?
20:00
No, because who cares in your real life, right?
You don’t care about that.
You care about your kid and whatever’s going on with them.
And do I have to be worried about this or not?
And so that’s really kind of the approach that I want to bring to it and I want it to be relatable.
That’s why it’s I’m your pediatrician bestie.
20:16
And like you said, sometimes I’m punchy, and that’s because.
I I want to talk to people like I talk to my own friends who are D Ming me who are in my text messages being like, girl, what is going on?
Showing me pictures of their kids diapers and showing me pictures of rashes or oh, what do you think I should do about this?
20:35
Things like that, which again, I can’t give them strict medical advice.
I’m not their kids doctor, but I can just be like, Hey, this is what I’m thinking about this.
This is what I might recommend you think about.
Maybe you should do this or that.
And that’s also the spirit and the nature of the book.
20:51
I want it to be something that you aren’t like I have to pick up my homework and read about this.
Or I want it to be something that you can pick up, read through, have a little giggle here and there.
Or the audiobook version.
If you’re up doing a late night feeding or whatever, you can maybe pop it in, get little bits of education and then, you know, it doesn’t have to be read front to back all in one sitting.
21:14
You can pick it up, put it down, pick it up.
And I also am going to have some helpful kind of flow charts in there.
So like this is where we’re starting.
We have a fever.
What is the next kind of decision point?
What is the next thing that we think about?
Because the truly the practice of medicine is very algorithmic.
21:33
It’s very if this, then that, if we have this constellation of symptoms, then we think this.
If you do this and that happens, well then this is the next step.
And so I want to be able to give parents a little bit of a kind of sneak peek into to that thought process as well in a way that they can have mapped out in front of them.
21:50
Like, OK, this is my starting point.
Literally what do I do next after that, literally what do I do next?
And I’ve kind of created some frameworks around that as well.
22:01
Speaker 1
That’s amazing.
And I love like even that was so I can totally picture it, right, like a mom up feeding in the middle of the night going, OK, what am I going to do?
Like I can actually digest some information that might be helpful for me tomorrow or next month or next year as my baby is growing.
22:18
Are there any myths that are like common misperceptions about parenting, about kids that people get wrong?
Like a like any myths that you kind of want to bust that’s like, everybody thinks this, but that’s not actually true.
22:35
Like we we need to get this right.
22:39
Speaker 2
I mean, there are a few that come to mind, obviously the one that’s always a hot topic.
And especially now as we are seeing rates of vaccine preventable illnesses on the rise.
I think it is a just deeply entrenched.
22:55
I mean, I wish we could get this kind of PR for actually good things that vaccines are somehow dangerous, that vaccines are linked to autism.
They really and truly are not.
And one of the things that, or one of the reasons that pediatricians especially get so passionate around vaccines is because a like literally we want your kids to be well.
23:17
We want them to be healthy.
I care about these kids being well.
That’s literally the job.
And so if we have ways of getting in front of these illnesses, which can be really and truly devastating, I think people have a misperception around the consequences of, of vaccine preventable illnesses because we’ve actually done such a good job of getting rid of so many of them that parents have not seen in their experience in their lives what can happen.
23:46
But working in the hospital, working in the ICU, like I’ve seen the newborn babies who truly cannot breathe because they have whooping cough.
You know, I’ve seen some of this like really, truly horrendous stuff, which I don’t want to expose everybody to that, but it sticks with you if you’ve seen it.
24:05
And you know, like, why, why, why?
We could, we could do such a better job of not having this be a possibility.
So let’s do that.
So that’s one, vaccines are safe.
They do not have any associate with autism.
24:20
And the other thing is about it that is sometimes frustrating for us is like, this is the thing that we’ve studied the absolute most.
We know the most about this than almost any other thing that you’re going to come for me, come to me for and want advice about.
So it’s almost like, well, if you can’t trust me on these things over here, then it almost does affect the relationship in a way of going like, why do you think I’m lying to you about this?
24:48
But I’m not lying to you about this other thing or, you know, so, so vaccines is 1.
I think another one is that antibiotics can be used in any situation.
You know, oftentimes I’ll will have viral symptoms, will have viral illnesses, will have no signs of a bacterial illness.
25:06
And parents still really demand antibiotics.
They want antibiotics.
And oftentimes, actually the overlap between people who don’t want vaccines but do want antibiotics is quite high, which is very interesting to me.
And another one is that oftentimes, especially daycare kids or early kids who are getting those 10 to 12 illnesses a year, parents are like, Oh my gosh, is something wrong with their immune system?
25:32
What is going on?
And it’s like, no, mostly no.
It’s just this is what happens with little kids.
They get exposed to all the things.
They get sick, they get better, they get exposed.
And around round we go for a few years.
25:45
Speaker 1
Oh my gosh, so many things.
OK, on the vaccines, I think what people get, I think what people forget is that some of these diseases that we had, I have to say, had now pretty much eradicated are not that far back.
26:04
So like my dad’s adopted mom died of polio, right?
And then that has since been eradicated.
That’s not that long in the big scope of things.
And then I actually saw a really funny comedy special.
Her name’s Hannah Gatsby.
She’s an Australian comedian and she has autism and she actually talks about vaccines in her 2020.
26:28
It’s just like a small bit.
But the way she does it is so brilliant.
And it’s the special’s called Douglas.
So if you haven’t seen that, it might be kind of a fun thing to check out.
Just while we’re on that topic and Oh my gosh, antibiotics, absolutely.
26:44
And then they’re getting sick.
It’s like, especially if you have multiple kids in different schools or ones in daycare, ones in school, it’s like they all get exposed to something different and then it comes back in the house and it’s just like everybody’s giving everything to one another.
So until you’re kind of you have that better immune system built, right?
27:04
That’s pretty normal.
27:06
Speaker 2
It’s pretty normal, yeah.
It’s just the name of the game.
And obviously they’re outlier situations.
There are certain features that would make one more concerned about like, oh, is something actually going wrong?
Are they not growing well?
Are they not developing well?
Are they having lots of serious bacterial infections?
27:21
Those would be things that would be more concerning for, like, an actual issue.
But the vast majority of kids, it’s just one virus after the other and it will slow down eventually, I promise.
27:33
Speaker 1
Yeah, when I love that you brought up the whole building trust.
Trust, right?
And I think that building trust can come from, it’s why, like in my keynotes, the first thing I do is I tell a really personal story and disarm myself, right?
To make myself human and help people connect with me because that’s what we need to do.
27:50
And I’m sure people have already connected with you because you’re sharing real practical advice.
You are an expert, but Are you ready to get a little personal?
28:01
From Burnout to Alignment: A Personal Evolution
Let’s do it.
I have nothing to hide.
Well.
28:04
Speaker 1
You’ve gone you’re going through some big changes, right?
So you left practicing and you’re going to be moving out out of our country and, you know, to to a new country.
So if we think about the version of you before everything changed or is about to change, what was life like in that season?
28:23
Speaker 2
Yeah, I am.
I mean, from the personal side and the professional side, I guess I have, I 2025 was an unsubscribe year for sure.
I am subscribed from from a great many things.
So professionally, I stopped working clinically in December so that I could pursue this more with greater attention and more full time.
28:46
But professionally I was really burned out.
I was really struggling.
It was, you know, I was working in urgent care, which is 10 hour shifts.
So it’s non-stop from the moment you walk in to the moment you leave and you know you’re, it’s a big responsibility, at least I think most of us.
29:03
I can’t speak for everybody, but I’ll speak for myself.
I take great responsibility for the kids that are in my care.
And if you’ve brought them to me, then now they’re in my care and I care.
So I personally found it emotionally kind of difficult to have be able to say my advice or my recommendations and to know that people were not able to hear that or we’re going to actively do not what I recommended.
29:29
That weighed heavily on me.
So and you know, it, that was a lot and I was just always frustrated.
I was always, you know, we are always feeling like that urgency always behind.
There’s more people here than we can reasonably help And, and I overtime realize like, oh, and nothing that we’re really doing here is going to keep them from coming back in a real way.
29:52
You know, we’re not the tide is never going to to turn if we continue in this particular system.
So that really got me thinking like, OK, I need to figure out a solution that’s outside of this system.
Personally, I got divorced last year.
30:08
So, you know, obviously there’s a lot of grief and, and change and evolution that comes from that process.
And then with everything that’s going on in our country, I feel quite strongly that right now where we are.
And you know, even looking back quite some time, I, I really had enough data and enough evidence to go, you know, this, these things are not aligned with my values.
30:31
And I am really in a season in a place where I want, I only want what wants me and I want what’s for me.
And I want to feel good and I want things to just not be always a negotiation with like my sensibilities.
30:48
So that was why I decided to to move out of the country for a while and try try living in a different kind of place.
30:56
Speaker 1
I’m so excited for you and I think so many of us find ourselves in the place that you were.
I know I felt like I was in that place at one point.
Like I used the word over functioning and what like that kept coming up in my mind when you were explaining where you were at too, working these 10 hour shifts and like you’re working so hard to, you know, help people and they might not be taking your advice and that’s frustrating and you’re exhausted and you know you’re tired.
31:23
Has your definition of success changed?
31:28
Speaker 2
Oh, it really has.
I mean, in some respects I never was like somebody who was really seeking out, you know, I really thought I was going to become a paediatrician.
I decided I was going to do that when I was like 11.
And then here we are.
I’m very kind of goal oriented.
31:44
I was like, OK, I’m going to do this is what I want to do and I’m going to do everything I need to do to do that.
And I am, I don’t know what the word is, stubborn maybe, or I just really do believe like in my own force of will, like I can do really whatever with the correct application of my energy and, and work and things like that.
32:07
And I thought I was just going to do this forever.
And that quickly became untenable.
And I realized, oh, OK, I’m going to have to pivot.
And so I think my ultimately like my overarching sense of success is the same.
32:23
I want to have a career where I feel like I can be helpful to people.
I care a lot about humanity kind of in an abstract.
I don’t, I don’t like all people, but I care about people.
So that’s important to me.
32:38
I want to live my life at this point with a little bit more ease because I really did have to grind all the way to this point.
And of course, now I’m like starting a business and writing a book.
Like, I don’t know how to sit down, but I want to have more peace, more ease.
32:57
I want things, yeah, that that just are in better alignment so that it doesn’t require so much of that frustration and burnout to get to the thing.
So that to me is more of my goal and intention.
And I’ve I’ve now unsubscribed from the idea of convincing people of things.
33:15
Speaker 1
Listen.
33:16
Speaker 2
This is a buffet offering.
If you don’t want it, that’s so fine.
Do you?
Do you, Boo?
But I’m going to be here for the people who do want what I have to offer.
And I with this step of remove, I can take myself out of it more.
And so I, I don’t know what’s happening over there and I don’t want to know.
33:34
I hope you make good choices.
I hope you do the best thing that you can for your kid in a way that is, you know, scientifically sound.
But if you don’t, I at least don’t have to be looking at it.
And so that was something that was important for me.
33:50
Speaker 1
What’s so interesting because you went from a job right where you were serving people and now you’re still able to serve people, but in a different way, in a more intentional way almost, would you say?
And I think that’s really special.
Like for me, I left corporate where I was like slinging aesthetic stuff, right?
34:08
Like to me, like, and at the time, I, I liked it.
Like it was fun.
It was a fun, sexy industry, but I was also surrounded by a lot of narcissists and toxic people, which there’s a whole another, you know, part of that.
So for me, it really, it was a big shift, but people will think they’ll, they’ll be like, oh, Tori, like, what do you do?
34:25
And it’s like, man, I have never, I have never been grinding harder in my life, you know, like squeezing for little juice, you know, but it is so rewarding when you are in that alignment in terms of what you’re doing, who you’re serving, how you’re doing it on your terms.
34:42
And you use the word pivot, like, Hey, I knew I needed to pivot.
34:46
Unsubscribing from Rigidity: Finding a New Path
Was there a pivotal moment or like a particular realization when you were like, something’s got to change?
34:53
Speaker 2
Yeah, I think it was less of like a specific, like, oh, like everything kind of snapped into place and more of a culmination.
It was more like I said, I’m, I’m data-driven.
I, I mean, also everyone’s emotionally driven to some extent too.
But like, I like evidence.
35:09
And at some point it just became clear to me like, oh, I have enough evidence that the system that I’m in now is not going to change in a way that’s going to make me happy anytime soon.
That was information.
You know, I have been fairly successful and just like working hard, hard, hard, hard and getting the result that I want in a lot of my life.
35:29
But I did have some really distinct evidence of that with my relationship that, OK, that doesn’t work in every situation.
So I took that on as information the this country, you know, like reelecting Donald Trump when we knew everything that we knew and everybody was like screaming about what was going to happen.
35:50
And now lo and behold, here it is.
It’s happening.
I just was like, oh, I have to remove myself from the situations that can’t I can control me and I can’t control all the things around me.
And so that was something that I really did have to kind of like come to grips with over the course of the last year that I think I had a little bit maybe a more of a sense that like, I really can like grip things into being how I want them to be.
36:17
So it was less of just like a specific moment as like all of those things converging at once pretty much.
I was like, oh boy, OK, this is all right, I’m awake, it’s time, that kind of thing.
36:31
Speaker 1
You’re like information, information, information.
Now I take action, right?
Like once, once you get the amount of information that you needed for yourself, is there anything like that you’ve learned to unsubscribe from for for yourself, whether it’s a belief, a habit, types of people.
36:49
You just said you don’t like all people.
I’m just kidding.
Or a role.
Look, I’m the same.
I mean, I think we’re all the same.
Like I feel like people that say that, like people that everybody likes aren’t being that authentic, right?
Because I’m like, not every, I’m not everybody’s cup of tea.
37:06
And I’m like, not everybody even likes Oprah.
I don’t know how, don’t know why, but it’s the truth.
So is there one thing you’ve learned to unsubscribe from that’s made the biggest difference for you?
37:18
Speaker 2
I think that again, this has been such a crazy like year of evolution that I’ve had to to unsubscribe from so many things.
But I think if I had to choose one, I would say that like unsubscribing from my own idea that was like of rigidity, I guess around what my goals are or what I have to do or just because I can that I should.
37:49
You know, I really had to kind of take a step back from some of those things that and just allow a little bit more flow and a little bit more ease into my life because things actually do have the potential to work out really well that way too.
38:06
And that is kind of a new way of being.
I’ve been very structured for my entire life up to this point.
And now I’m just kind of like, let’s see.
So that’s been fun.
It’s been exciting to kind of explore.
And again, it is, I think in the some respect to me at least, like a scientific perspective.
38:27
You know, I’ve tried this way.
I kind of went to the end of the road in that way.
And I did ultimately succeed in a lot of the things that I was trying to do, but now I’m looking at a different kind of mountaintop, and maybe there’s a different way of getting there.
38:42
And so I’m collecting more data on that side and trying to let things be easier.
38:49
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Oh, good for you.
That’s such a great answer.
38:53
Rapid Fire & The Power of Self-Honesty
How about a little rapid fire?
38:55
Speaker 2
Let’s do it.
38:58
Speaker 1
I’m going to start with this one because I was taking care of a friend this past weekend after she had surgery and her five year old was there and we were talking about things we were going to like binge watch.
And she was like, oh, have you seen Love Story?
I was like Yup, she’s like, have you seen the last thing he told me?
39:16
I’m like, Yup, I’m all caught up.
And I was like, gosh, like how have you not watched any of this stuff?
And then when I was at her house with her and her five year old, I realized I said, oh, you don’t watch less TV than me.
You just watch Moana and Bluey and.
39:34
Speaker 2
Like.
39:35
Speaker 1
All of these other things.
So for you, what’s the what’s the last TV show you’ve finished?
39:42
Speaker 2
I just finished watching Paradise, the second season of Paradise just well, I don’t know if it just ended, but I just finished watching it and I really enjoy that.
It is a little a little bit frighteningly like concerning in the way of like am am I watching future?
40:01
I don’t know, but I really enjoy that show.
I watched Heated Rivalry along with everybody else recently.
40:10
Speaker 1
Can I have your HBO Max login?
Because I don’t have it, that’s why I haven’t.
40:13
Speaker 2
Watched it yet?
Yeah, I’ll share.
I’ll share with you.
I’ll share with you.
40:16
Speaker 1
OK, what’s your what is your exact coffee order?
40:21
Speaker 2
Oh, you know, I’m a pretty simple girl.
If I am, I like oat milk because Derry and I are not friends.
So, you know, an oat milk latte, an oat milk flat white, or even just a cold brew.
40:36
I like cold brew.
40:39
Speaker 1
What’s a question that you wish more people would ask you?
40:45
Speaker 2
Wow, that’s so hard.
What’s a question that I wish more people would ask me?
Oh, I don’t know.
I can’t even.
That’s too hard.
I can’t think of that.
I really am like, I’m not an overly Sherry person.
41:03
I’m not a person who’s just like projecting and broadcasting everything about myself most of the time.
But I am very like a transparent and authentic.
So people can ask me really pretty much anything and I’ll answer.
I mean, obviously there are some limits, so of course, but I like.
41:20
Speaker 1
Mine would be.
41:21
Speaker 2
I like to be in convo.
41:23
Speaker 1
My question that I wish more people would ask me is could I buy you a D1 round trip ticket?
41:30
Speaker 2
OK, you know what, with that inspiration, you’re right.
I love that.
Can Ioffer you large sums of cash?
41:36
Speaker 1
For anything, there’s no What’s a guilty pleasure that you’re absolutely not guilty about?
41:44
Speaker 2
Oh, what’s a guilty pleasure that I’m not guilty about?
You know, I think my one of my guilty pleasures is that I really like food.
I really like to try different places and sometimes that means a Taco truck and sometimes that means a Michelin star restaurant and everything in between.
42:03
So I think sometimes it feels like frivolous or, you know, we’ve got food at home, but I don’t want food at home sometimes.
42:11
Speaker 1
Yeah, I love I’m a foodie too, so I totally get it.
OK, so Tori, I know I’ve already mentioned your Instagram, but is there where else before we kind of bring it home with one final question, What’s the best way for people to find you and connect with you?
42:28
Speaker 2
So yeah, right now I am most active on Instagram at your pediatrician bestie.
So that’s the number one best place.
There are links there to my newsletter, but people can also find out more about me at meet Doctor Torrie.
So just M EE TDRTOR i.com and that also you can get access to the newsletter from that.
42:49
You can learn a little bit more about me, about my resume.
If you want to double check that.
I really am who I say I am.
I have all of my degrees and educational and all that history on there because I do think transparency is important.
More info about the book All That Kind of Stuff can be found on the website.
43:06
Speaker 1
Perfect.
And I’ll link those in the show notes.
And girl, you know, I wouldn’t have you here if all of that wasn’t legit.
So, so if if someone’s sitting where you once sat, feeling kind of that successful on the outside and maybe feeling that pull to change, right, to make that change, to evolve, what’s the first step you would tell them to take?
43:32
Speaker 2
I think the first step is just to get really honest with yourself.
I think sometimes we’re so busy, busy, busy, go, go, go, always thinking about the next thing that maybe we don’t always take the time to like really come back down and go, you know, is am I actually, am I happy actually?
43:53
Am I getting what I want from this, actually, even if this thing has potential, even if this thing could get better again, do I have evidence of that?
Or am am I on a hope and a prayer here?
And it’s negatively impacting me and my life and my happiness?
44:12
I think, yeah.
I think a lot of times we just get so focused on other things that we don’t take the time to pull back and really assess what that situation is.
So I think that’s the first most really important thing to go let me think really and honestly and truly about where I am and where I want to be.
44:33
And are those the same?
44:35
Speaker 1
Yeah, take that beat.
I think I love that.
Makes me think of how when we talk about being present, right, I feel like that’s a little bit of what you’re saying, like stop, be present in the moment.
Because you can’t be depressed if you’re in the moment because that’s thinking about the past.
44:51
You can’t be anxious if you’re in the moment because you’re thinking about the future.
That power to just be present for a moment really does help you assess and be the most logical, you know, part of yourself.
45:08
And so I love that.
I think that’s really great advice.
I loved everything about this conversation.
I adore you.
I’m so excited for you.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom, your fun personality and letting us get to know you a little bit better too.
45:23
I think that definitely helps us connect with one another, and that’s what we’re all about here.
So, Doctor Tory, thank you so much for being here.
45:31
Speaker 2
Thank you so much for having me.
It’s been truly my pleasure.
Like I love chatting with you.
And yeah, I appreciate you introducing me to your audience, and I hope we can do this again.
45:42
Speaker 1
Yeah, absolutely.
And we’ll see you next time.
